OBSERVATIONS ON GROWING OLD

(Got this in an e-mail)

01. It's harder to tell navy from black.
02. Everything old is new again, but if you wore it before, you're too old to wear it the second time around.
03. Your kids are becoming like you---and you don't like them, but your grandchildren are perfect!
04. Yellow becomes your big color---your eyeballs, your skin, your teeth, your underwear.
05. Going out is good; coming home is even better!
06. When people say you look "Great", they add, "for your age!"
07. When you needed the discount, you paid full price. Now you get discounts on everything---movies, hotels, flights.
08. You forget names, but it's OK because other people forgot they even knew you.
09. The last 2 outfits you wore had spots on them.
10. You ask your spouse or friend how your outfit looks, and they tell you the truth.
11. The 5 pounds you wanted to lose is now 15, and you have a better chance of losing your keys than the 15 pounds.
12. You realize you're never going to be really good at anything---especially golf.
13. Your spouse is counting on you to remember things you don't remember.
14. The things you cared to do, you now don't care to do, but you care that you don't care to do them anymore.
15. Your spouse sleeps better on a lounge chair with the TV blaring than in bed. It's called "pre-sleep".
16. Remember when your mother said "Wear clean underwear in case you GET in an accident"? Now you bring clean underwear in case you HAVE an accident.
17. You used to say, "I hope my kids GET married." Now it's, "I hope they STAY married!"
18. The best place to have a conversation with your spouse is in the bathroom-- you have his/her full attention.
19. You miss the days when everything worked with just an "ON" and "OFF" switch; when GOOGLE, iPod, email, modem were unheard of; and when a mouse was something that made you climb on a table.
20, You use more 4-letter words---"what?"..."when?"
21. Now that you can afford expensive jewelry, it's not safe to wear it anywhere.
22. Your spouse has a night out with the guys/gals but he/she is home by 9:00 p.m.; next week it will be 8:30 p.m.
23. You read 100 pages into a book before you realize you've already read it before.
24. You notice everything they sell in clothing stores is "tight & sleeveless" for women and "tight & below the butt" for men.
25. You never heard of any of the people in People Magazine.
26. Your concealer doesn't conceal, your lipstick bleeds, your mascara clumps, and your eyebrows are disappearing.
27. You don't have hair under your arms and very little on your legs, but your chin needs to be plucked daily.
28. What used to be freckles are now liver spots.
29. Everybody whispers.
30. Now that your spouse has retired, you'd give anything if he/she would find a job.
31. You have three sizes of clothes in your closet, two of which you will never wear again.
32. But old is good in some things---old songs, old movies, and best of all---old friends!